Saturday, January 30, 2010

Feeling lost and out of sorts

This always happens to me after I give birth. The uncontrollable feeling of being lost and out of control. I know it's due to my ridiculous need to be in control of EVERY aspect of my life. For those of you who aren't familiar with babies--you don't control an infant. They control you. AND HOW. Not only do they call the shots for eating and sleeping, but they corner the market on your emotions as well. Other than anger, I'm a very emotionally balanced person. Usually. Pregnancy and childbirth always make me a little emotional and weepy. HOWEVER, this one has rocked my world. It's as if my life is a perpetual Hallmark commercial. I'm sure it's a combination of hormones and lack of sleep, but I also believe it has something to do with the sweet little angel that has been sent to us by our Heavenly Father. I feel so blessed and so lucky to have her. It's as if I've been softened somehow because of her presence. For this, I am grateful.

We've had her for only five weeks and five days, but it feels like she's been here forever. The newborn stage is my most favorite stage, but I anxiously await the emergence of her personality. I have spent countless hours trying to make her smile the smile she so freely gives while she is asleep, while she is awake. It has yet to happen, but I know it will. I look forward to learning what it is that makes her happy in life. I know better than to rush things along, but I am anxious.

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